Plaque Is Whack

I have accomplished many things in my life -- but perhaps my greatest is that I've remained cavity-free for 22 1/2 years. While I attribute this primarily to my truly spectacular and naturally resistant gums and teeth, I suppose the act of brushing my teeth should be given some credit as well.

In the past I have been satisfied with the free toothbrushes given to me by my awesome dentist. (Seriously, I love my dentist. My dentist is this sweet-as-pie middle-aged gay man who repeatedly tells me I'm one of his favorites. After he looks at my teeth, we usually have heart-to-hearts for a good 15 minutes.) That is, however, until I a received a new toothbrush from my mom last week in the mail.

The toothbrush my mom gave me kicks the plastic asses of all my brushes past. For this toothbrush is called "Firefly." It has a lightup timer built inside the toothbrush. I know. You push this rubbery part on the bottom of the toothbrush and then a light pulses for 60 seconds and then automatically turns off after the time is completed. And it has magical sparkles.

Now, judging from the cartoon super hero on the packaging, the age specification of 4-10 years, and the phrase "Kids comply with Firefly!" printed on the packaging, I'm deducing that this toy-like toothbrush is for little kids. Just a guess there. But whatever, yo. This toothbrush is sweet as hell, and you should all get one.